7 is greater than 1

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Bibles and the AGM

Last night was the AGM of the Edinburgh University Student’s Association.

Six to seven hundred students filled two lecture theatres, linked via the interwebs, to discuss some pretty controversial issues and vote on motions about them.

Last night’s agenda included:

• Bibles in halls of residence
• Energy Efficient student housing
• A no platform policy to ban the BNP
• Boycott of Israel
• Banning cigarette sales from EUSA outlets
• Stopping EUSA staff and representatives from travelling by plane

The main reason I was there was the bible one.

A few years ago EUSA stopped Gideon’s from placing Bibles in Pollock Halls and this motion wanted to reverse that, on the grounds of religious tolerance, freedom of speech and the general goodness/usefulness of the Bible.

I would love to see Bibles in every room in Pollock. I think it would be a brilliant thing, even if it drew just one person a tiny little bit closer to God. I disagree with the arguments against it put forward by those I know: that it is an invasion of privacy (you don’t like it, stick it under your bed), a waste of resources (people knowing God is priceless – humanly speaking), etc. etc.

I was all set to vote in favour, obviously. But as people spoke about it and I read the motion itself more closely, I began to question my resolve. One point in the motion says this:

 

“That any group or society representing any particular point of view who wish to provide

literature to be placed in every room in Pollock should be allowed to do so providing the

books are made available freely at their own expense.”

I can’t agree with that.

I don’t want any group to be able to put stuff into Pollock. I don’t want those who are wrong to be able to put stuff into the hands of students.

Of course I want the truth of God’s Word in there but I don’t want the other rubbish this would pave the way for.

I couldn’t vote in favour. I couldn’t vote against. I abstained.

And I feel terrible. Like I betrayed a lot of people. I guess I post this by way of explanation, apology and to make myself feel better. I’m sorry I couldn’t raise my hand.

The motion didn’t pass, by quite a significant majority.

I’m sorry.

Did I do the right thing?

 

New tactic

So, it’s the beginning of week ten in Edinburgh, there are only four to go until Christmas, and I’m still church searching.

New tactics required.

No more “what do I want from church?”

No more “does the worship/preaching/people/outreach suit me?”

No more “what if there’s something better out there?”

No more waiting for writing in the sky, neon signs or butterflies in my tummy.

No more.

New question:

Where am I needed?

Romans 12:6-8 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

I have gifts.

Some church, somewhere, needs them.

Which one?

From my window:

From Arthur’s Seat:

Praying for the city

seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare Jeremiah 29:7

I spent this evening along the path you can see in the picture above, with members of all the CU small groups from the various halls of residence, praying for the city of Edinburgh.

It was really great. I don’t have much more to say, other than I really enjoyed it.

I was challenged that this is my city now, that I need to pray more in general but particularly for it, the people and my friends who live here. It may not mean as much to me yet as Aberdeen did/does but God’s got me here for a reason.

I hope we’ll be able to go up again some time.

Under pressure

On Saturday night Dan also asked us what our reaction is to stress and pressure, or more precisely

“When I am squeezed, pressed, crushed – what comes out? Examples?”

Once we got past the blood and guts jokes it was time for some serious soul searching . . .

You may never have been unfortunate enough to see it but I have a real temper on me. It’s something I do my very best to keep under lock and key. I don’t like being that person, who lashes out and says horrible things and lets the anger get the better of her. I remember reading Matthew 5:22 and being scared that that was me, and it’s a fear that remains with me: “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” Ever since I’ve been doing my best not to get angry and, at the very least, not show it when I do.

So, nowadays, stress and pressure generally lead me to seclusion. It’s safer that way. I get a kind of tunnel vision, becoming obsessed and determined to overcome whatever is the cause of the stress. People and normal life are forced to take a back seat. It’s safer if I ignore you because I don’t have time to care and don’t want you to know it and get hurt. Harsh right? Told you it was safer for me to withdraw.

I’m also aware that my problems are nothing by comparison so I do my best not to complain too much (though I usually fail epically) and I certainly won’t admit to needing help or not being able to cope until the very last minute: “This is my problem, I’ll deal with it, I can’t burden you with it too”. Fun times, trust me.

And if something does make me angry, rather than stressed, I’m most likely to not say anything for fear of saying something I’ll regret. Quite often I’ll have to walk it off – spend some time pacing or walking whilst ranting at myself/God. When I’ve worked out all that angry energy I’ll return and perhaps be able to articulate better what I’m on about.

This is the best way I have of dealing with stress/anger. I’d rather it didn’t get to this stage but I think it’s better that when it does, the only people to see it are me and God.

How do you cope?

7/11/09

sometimes some thoughts go through your head and you choose to write them down. sometimes you have a momentary lapse of judgement and choose to post them on a very public blog. oops. so here are the inner workings of my mind on saturday night:

feeling tiny amongst giant

worthless amongst saints

invisible amongst heroes

the one in the background

trampeled and ignored

I’M SORRY

that I listened

saw them, not you

that I can’t see

can’t trust or believe

that you’d love me

a beautiful person?

I don’t think so

Broken and rubbish

lower than low

WHO AM I?

What am I worth?

Can they really love me?

Could they actually care?

Help me see it

believe it

Please.

YAWA 2009

I was away again over the weekend for the annual St. Columba’s Young Adult’s Weekend Away (YAWA). We spent the weekend with Paul and Natalie in their beautiful home near Elgin and though our numbers were a little depleted this year there was as much banter as ever.

I know the first thing everyone wants to know is the result of the legendary Girls v. Boys Trivial Pursuit game!! This year was the most closest game I’ve seen yet. The girls led for most of it but got stuck on that last piece of pie as the boys crept up and took the victory . . . just!

There was more competition on Saturday afternoon as we had a massive treasure hunt across Moray – three cars of team members set off with cameras in search of goat statues, cathedrals, conga lines, silly hats and biblical gardens! Much fun was had by all and I don’t think the residents of Elgin, Lossiemouth or Forres were left too scarred.

We went to the Lossiemouth Baptist Church on Sunday which was very nice. They gave us a very warm welcome and it was a great service.

Dan and Stef led the teaching for the weekend. Both sessions were very powerful and, whilst I can’t really speak for everyone else, I was certainly moved and challenged. We spoke about identity and wholeness. So here, if you can cope with the deepness, are some things I learned and was thinking about:

• A lot of my identity is all wrapped up in church, i.e. St.C’s at home. That was who I was. It was how I defined myself. It gave me purpose. Now that it’s gone I’m floundering a little. Studying ridiculous amounts is one coping strategy – identity in achievement. I suspect it’s also one of the reasons I’m having trouble choosing a church – I have no identity in any of them and that’s really strange. But Stef reminded us that our identity is ultimately in God, as His children, as who He created us to be.
• We were singing on Friday night and it occurred to me, as we sang about Jesus, how easy it is for my theology to become skewed. I read and think all day everyday about big abstract concepts about God but actually my theology needs to be more Jesus centred. I need to think about Him and the cross more because it is that which defines my stance and opinion.
• Dan asked us to consider the hurts and disappointments of the past which dictate our responses to situations and pressures today, how we respond out of our brokenness. This one was painful. Difficult memories to conjure and to admit the affect they had and still have on me. I’m never as strong as I appear. There is so much more going on beneath the surface. I face demons like everyone else, if not more so. But Dan reminded us that God is still working in us and giving us the desire and power to do what pleases him (Philipians 3:20) – and it’s a work that continues as we grow in Him.

At St.C’s on sunday evening George, George and Ciaran shared a little from a passage of Scripture which had spoken to them recently. They all spoke brilliantly and God spoke through them. It was awesome to see how God is at work in the lives of others, to be reminded of His continual speaking and moving and to be inspired by brothers in Christ.

Then it was onto the train back to Edinburgh.

Church 2

How about this definition?

The church is by nature and commandment an apostolic community which exists for the sake of announcing the Gospel to all nations and of making them disciples of Christ.

H. Richard Niebuhr The Responsibility of the Church for Society

Church

The mission of the church is found where the celebration of the Lord’s Supper and the creation of human fellowship are indissolubly joined. This is what it means in an active and concrete way to be the sacrament of salvation of the world.

- Gustavo Gutierrez, The Church: Sacrament of  History, Essential Writings (Orbis Books: Maryknoll NY, 1996) p.247

Is that all the church need be? Is it sufficient?

What do you think the Church should be?

Home

(picture by wwworks)

So I’ve decided this is yet another bizarre concept.

If you’d asked me just two months ago I could have told you, without any hesitation, that home was Aberdeen – probably more specifically my house and church. There are other places I have felt at home in at other times: I always felt particularly at home when we went to Belfast and in other places I’ve visited, including Skye and Austria.

What makes home home though? For me it’s a sense of peace and belonging, not wanting to be anywhere else but content in that place as you are and it is. My friends have said it’s where their parents or family are. Others think it is where they were born, where they’ve lived longest in their lives or where their fondest memories are.

I went back to Aberdeen two weekends ago – “home”. The entire time I was there I kept having to stop myself from calling Edinburgh home. As much as I loved being in Aberdeen and seeing everybody, coming back to Edinburgh brought a certain relief. It was really wierd. Having been homesick for the first few weeks it was strange that going back only made Edinburgh feel more like home. We’re 8 weeks in, with 5 or so to go, and I can’t believe that’s all it’s been or that there are so few left until Christmas! As much as being home will be lovely, I can already tell you I’m going to miss this place!

So now home is both Aberdeen and Edinburgh – please don’t be offended when I say it!

Gavin DeGraw

Spotify strikes again! Really loving this guy at the moment. Any One Tree Hill fans might recognise the bottom one I Don’t Want to Be. One of my favourites is the first one though, Dancing Shoes.

Big Issues

As I mentioned, one of the best things about Divinity at Edinburgh is the friends you make at New College.

They’re always amazing but today was particularly fun as we discussed the format church should take, women in ministry and Christians in the army.

We’re from different places, different backgrounds, different Christian tradition and have only known each other for about 7 weeks but still, I think, feel able to share our opinions about big stuff like this, without fearing any fallout. Love it.

They also found out about my blog – hi guys!!

Isaiah 58

Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.