Big Issues

As I mentioned, one of the best things about Divinity at Edinburgh is the friends you make at New College.

They’re always amazing but today was particularly fun as we discussed the format church should take, women in ministry and Christians in the army.

We’re from different places, different backgrounds, different Christian tradition and have only known each other for about 7 weeks but still, I think, feel able to share our opinions about big stuff like this, without fearing any fallout. Love it.

They also found out about my blog – hi guys!!

Road Trip

I had an amazing weekend of banter!!

On Friday, with Faye at the wheel, Pamela riding shotgun, Ruth, Stef and I nice and cosy in the back, we left the overcast ‘deen for the wet and windy Edinburgh!

Having navigated the horrendous traffic and roadworks in the centre of Edinburgh we dumped our stuff at Stef’s very lovely flat and headed out for dinner, stopping for tea/coffee and then again for cake, along the way. It was a very good cup of “Chocolate Flake Tea” from Teapigs, which I shall be hunting out again (also quite fancy their popcorn or organic honey bush and rooibos teas . . . the latter primarily for the funny name!). We had a lovely meal at the Vittoria Restaurant before returning to the flat (ice cream to go in hand) for some late night debates on creation, heaven and predestination!

After those very late night conversations it was up and out just a little too soon for “Gingers! The Musical”, one of the fringe shows: Eight gingers, one room … a hilarious portrayal of trials and tribulations this genetic minority face. After all, beauty’s in the heart, not the hair! It really was hilarious, as we heard each of these poor gingers stories through music and dance.

We then headed to Musselburgh (“The Honest Toon”) to see Carolyn and Owen and after lunch with them (including some brilliant Irn Bru sorbet from the legendry Luca’s ice cream parlour) we took a walk down the beach. Much amusement was found on the skate ramp (minus skateboards, obviously) – what is it they say about simple things please simple minds?!

It was then back on the road to go to Galashiels to stay with Ruth’s parents for a night. As with almost every occasion we are together, there had to be Gilmore Girls involved, so we watched another few episodes where very little happened, but that is the joy of the programme!

It was a bit of a rush the next morning after an even later night led to some of us sleeping in but we made it to church on time. It was a lovely service in a beautiful building at Old Parish and St. Paul’s Church. I learned some new hymns and Rev. Steele preached a challenging message about conformity to society and the importance of remaining faithful to God’s commands.

After lunch it was unfortunately time to return north again, but we made good time and were back at church for the evening service.

It was a great weekend. Really good fun with amazing people. Thanks guys!!

Last day

Today is my last day on staff at church.

I know, I know, it was supposed to be last week but we postponed it a little so now it’s today.

People keep asking about “the year” and how it’s been and I keep failing to find words. How do you compress the best year of your life into a sentence that people will listen to and understand?

I don’t think I can even fully comprehend yet the influence this year has had on me. I think I’ll still be remembering in years to come things I learned in my kind-of-gap-year.

And that’s probably the one way I can describe this year and do it justice: a year of learning. Everyday, every situation, everything has been one gigantic learning curve.

Let me condense it though, into three things.

1) I learned to trust God

I wasn’t always as happy about this year as I am now. Infact, I spent the first 3 months getting angry at God and venting at Him and a few select others. I didn’t want to be here and I didn’t want to be doing this. Turns out God was right though, His plan was best – who would have guessed eh?! Also learned to trust more than ever that God always keeps His promises. There were a few things that I prayed for a lot and He answered, things I got myself in a bit of a state about but He was faithful and good and kept His word.

2) I learned to trust others

I was really, really rubbish at this. Now, I’m only a little bit rubbish at this. It’ll still take me a while before I’m willing and ready to pour my soul out to you but there is hope that one day I’ll get there. I think what I really learned about trusting others was trusting that they love me and that they love me for who I am and will continue to love me regardless of how I think/feel about myself. And “we love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19) – so I guess I can chalk that one up to God too.

3) I learned to trust myself

I learned to believe that I am capable. Not because of my own strength or talents but because God, in His mercy, has given me gifts and abilities, passions and dreams. I’ve done things I never would have thought possible, but then “God is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to do infinitely more than we might ask or even imagine” (Eph 3:20). I’ve overcome fears, let go of burdens, taken on responsibility, found strength I didn’t know I had. No, hold on, that was God again. Hmm . . .

So I guess it actaully come down to learning just how awesome God is and learning to trust Him more than ever, though I’m sure there’s a lot more of His awesomeness to be revealed and I definitely have a lot more to learn about trusting in Him.

There’s heaps more I learned too about Church politics and leadership, dealing with difficult or sensitive situations, planning small and large activities, preparing talks and working with kids/young people/adults . . . the list goes on.

There are a lot of people who have made this year possible – who have dragged me, guided me, helped me, prayed me through it. People who have made huge sacrifices on my behalf. People who taken massive risks with me. People who have never once sought recognition or reimbursement. They know who they are and I am eternally grateful – I’ll never be able to thank them enough. And if I can’t thank them, I’ll certainly never be able to thank God. Won’t stop me trying though

Wedding!!

Two weeks ago my friends Carolyn and Owen got married:

It was a wonderful day, one we’ve known to be coming for a couple of years now and to see it finally happen was brilliant.

It was more than just a formality or a big party: it was a day of honouring and worshiping God for all He’d done in their lives so far and committing the rest of their lives together to Him.

The ceremony was lovely and the ceilidh afterwards was a great time of celebration.

Being able to share the day with them was fantastic and I wish them every happiness in the future!!

50 Days

Fifty days to go today.

7 weeks tomorrow and I’ll be moving to Edinburgh.

You probably think I’m whinging about nothing and really wish I’d shut up about the whole thing.

Tough.

I’ve been being very nonchalant about it all, primarily because I was. I was excited and looking forward to it and, apart from a few minor freak outs months ago, have generally been very happy about it all.

The fear hit a couple of days ago though and now I just don’t want to leave.

I am so happy right here, in my life right now, I can’t bear to think it’s going to end.

I don’t want to leave my friends (who, by the way, continue to be far better than yours). I don’t want to leave my church. I don’t want to leave my family.

I know, I know, I’ll be back and all will be well but it’s never going to be the same.

I do want to go to uni, I do want to learn new stuff and I do want to meet new people.

It’s just that I don’t want everything else to change too.

So, do me a favour, make the next seven weeks suck and then maybe I’ll be happy to go.

Thanks.

Friendship

I started this post in March.

Last Sunday, I attempted to teach the Bible Class kids “How to . . . be a good friend”. Not sure how successfully I did that but thought I could at least share with you folks what I shared with them. This is not in order to show how good/rubbish a leader I am, but because I love the story that we looked at and was surprised just how much there was in there.

So, talking about friendship, I of course headed straight for David and Jonathan. A great story, quite close to my heart (no, I’m not telling you why), but I’d never really looked at it as anything other than a story. I’d never looked to it as an example of how we should “do” friendship. It actually provides some challenging stuff that we (and when I say that I mean I) would do well to remember.

You can read the whole thing in 1 Samuel 18-20 ish but here’s a bit of background and summary . . .

David was a shepherd boy, who was anointed my the prophet Samuel as the next King of Israel. He played the harp in King Saul’s court and defeated Goliath (the giant bloke) with a stone and a slingshot. Jonathan was Saul’s son, heir to the throne, and, one time, he and his armour barer defeated twenty Philistines single-handed and sacred off the rest of the army. When they met they were immediately the best of friends and their friendship endured Saul trying to kill David. Jonathan was able to help David escape though. Year’s later, when Jonathan and Saul were dead, David sought out their last remaining relative and invited him to live in his palace – keeping the promise he had made to Jonathan all those years before.

I think that about covers it.

So what can we learn from these guys . . . 

You don’t have to come from the same background or upbringing. David’s a lowly shepherd, Jonathan was the Prince.  The kids gave some good chat about how it can be good to experience different lifestyles and cultures. We also discussed how we can be understanding and take into account different financial situations our friends might come from. However, we’ve got to have something in common if we’re going to stay friends. This was my tedious link – they both fought battles!

Throughout this story we also see them, though it was usually Jonathan, making sacrifices and compromises for one another. Jonathan gave up his right to the throne and accepted that David had been chosen by God to be the next King. That’s quite a sacrifice! Of course, it’s important we don’t compromise on our morals or the gospel but sacrificing time and energy to our friends is a good thing. Going out of our way to help them is a good thing. And this follows on from chapter 18, verse 3 “David loved Jonathan as he loved himself”. Sound familiar by any chance?? Much like Jesus said in Matthew 22:39?? Yup. Knew you’d get it. When we love folk we’ll go the extra mile for them. Jonathan went so far that he stood up to his dad – this crazy tyrant of a King – and stopped him from killing David. Twice!

Unfortunately, sometimes we have to say good-bye:

 As soon as the boy was gone, David came out from where he had been hiding near the stone pile. Then David bowed three times to Jonathan with his face to the ground. Both of them were in tears as they embraced each other and said good-bye, especially David. At last Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn loyalty to each other in the Lord’s name. The Lord is the witness of a bond between us and our children forever.” Then David left, and Jonathan returned to the town

I’m rubbish with goodbyes. Like really pathetically rubbish with goodbyes. You might want to avoid me the week before I move to Edinburgh. We spoke with the kids about friends who’d moved away and how they had or hadn’t kept in touch. But this story gives us some encouragement: God is all about relationships and friendships and if we ask Him, He will protect them, He’ll enable us to keep them strong, He’ll work in them and through them. 

I don’t think the Bible ever says if they met again in person but their loyalty to one another remained because when Jonathan died, David sought out the last remaining member of his family, so he could “show kindness for Jonathan’s sake”. They found Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth, who was a cripple. David returned all of Jonathan’s property to his family and invited them to eat at his own table (2 Samuel 9). Now that’s loyalty!

These guys are a brilliant example of friendship – one I’d do well to follow. I’m blessed with the most amazing friends. I don’t deserve them. In the slightest. I love them all – a lot – but I’m rubbish at showing it. Sorry guys.

Praise God for friends!!

Black sheep goes into the field

After my little rant the other day, tonight was my chance to test my new resolve as I spent the evening with friends from school.

It began with a dilemma I’m still not sure I made the right decision in. Being eighteen now, it fell to me to go out and buy the drink. I knew I wouldn’t be drinking it, espescially as I was driving, but was I condoning their aims of getting drunk by buying it on their behalf? They know I don’t drink and whilst they’ve questioned it, they’ve never fought it or pushed the issue, really they’ve accepted it. I couldn’t shake the feeling though that buying it was going to send a mixed message – you guys can do what you want and it doesn’t matter so long as I can do what I want. Which isn’t the case because I care about what they’re doing too and believe God’s got more planned for them than drunken antics. However, whether I should have or not (and you should feel free to say) I went to Asda and purchased that which had been requested. Cue first ever instance of being ID’d.

Once the drinking had begun at my friend’s house, it was decided games were required to make the night interesting and so began a hilarious and enlightening game of “Never have I ever” (one person makes the statement “never have I ever . . .” and anyone who has done that thing must take a drink). Dilemma/ decision number two: make my excuses and stay out of the entire thing or partake and be honest, marking myself out as obviously different from them all and risking ridicule.

I remembered the scripture Russ had mentioned in his comment: 2 Timothy 2:25 “Gently instruct those who oppose the truth”. Here was my chance to ever so gently, ever so succinctly point to Christ and the difference He has made. So I joined in and didn’t shy away from the questions/answers which would mark me out (and believe me only about 3 would be suitable for blog publication). It turns out I really am as innocent/naive as they believed. But I’m okay with that.

I stick out like a sore thumb (complete aside but I don’t get where that phrase comes from). That’s fine. That’s what I’m called to do but there’s got to be something for me to stick out from – alienating myself would do no good.

God is working in their lives in ways I can’t conceive and has plans for them I may never know or see come to fruition but I will continue my feeble attempts to witness to them, pray for them and trust that God is doing all the rest.

Black Sheep

On Tuesday I went for dinner with some friends. Friends I’ve known for years and grown up with. But it’s not easy because I don’t fit. I’ve never really. I’ve always stuck out, as I’m sure you can well imagine, but it’s getting worse.

It’s a dilemma I’ve always struggled with: Paul wrote that we were to be in the world but not of the world, but where do you draw the line?

If I detach myself completely, I end up with nothing in common with them: my life becomes alien and irrelevant to them and my Christian witness non-existant. If I try to partake in their lives I live in danger of bending my own preferences and opinions, never mind morals and beliefs, in order to conform and fit.

I could choose to be more like them. I could choose to make my life about sex and alcohol, about “living for the weekend” as the song goes, about earning enough to spend enough to get drunk or dressed up to impress. I could have chosen that life. But, long before I had the chance to choose, God chose me, called me out for a different life, a different existance. I get to live in a different way with a different purpose: loving and serving the King of the universe.

Maybe I’m generalising when I talk about my friends. They’re far deeper than I’m making out. It’s just that they don’t always show it and this is how it comes across to me most of the time. And the above paragraph makes me sound arrogant and pompous – the truth is that most of the time I’m making it all up as I go along, trusting God to shove me in the right direction. I am in no way better than my friends – I’m just as lost and in need of God’s love and mercy.

But I do believe that followers of Jesus, Christians, are called to live a different way: to live the way. God called the Israelites to be His people, His very own possession, and to stand out from the world which it was a part of and the nations it was surrounded by. Jesus taught his followers a new way which made them stand out: love for enemies and giving everything to the poor wasn’t exactly the way the Romans or Jews worked at the time. It’s this kind of radically different lifestyle that we today are still called to live.

I’ve often wondered if there’s a point of balance that I’ve missed. A way of holding true to Christ but also to living like/ with/ as my friends – a way of being more a part of the group, of better understanding of where they’re coming from.

The thing is, I don’t want to find balance. I want to be thoroughly unbalanced. I want it all to be about Jesus. Even if that means me looking like a complete pilchard. Even if it means my friends don’t understand me or want to know me. I don’t live to please them – 1 Thessalonians 2:4. Jesus said: “If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first. The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you” (John 15:18-19).

I’ve just finished Shane Claiborne’s Jesus for President. It challenged me on just about everything. For too long the Church has been a part of the system, it’s been too easy to be a Christian, we’ve been the persecutors instead of the persecuted and have conformed to society becuase we thought it was conforming to us. Everything has changed though and it’s about time we started sticking our necks on the line again. We’re called to come out of the world. We’re called to be hated.

I’m the black sheep. And that’s just fine by me.

God Speaks

I’ve had a rough week – it’s been entirely my own fault but it’s not been pleasant. 

And, you know, it’s as though God’s seen every single second of it and heard every one of my thoughts throughout it because there have been some pretty amazing parts to this week too.

And it would also appear that God is entirely in control: speaking to and using the people around me to point me in the right direction.

Like my friends baking me a birthday cake on Tuesday, or the staff praying for me at devotions yesterday, or friends who’ll get up at ridiculous hours of the morning to cook breakfast at church.

When I start freaking out about what people think of me, and as a result start trying to take back control from God so I control their opinions to a degree, God shows me again and again until I get the message that I am loved and that people do care and that I needn’t worry.

Our God is a God who speaks. 

Help me, Lord, to listen more closely.

My friends are better than yours.

Maybe that’s a little harsh ^^. But they are most definitely some of the best.

I had dinner last night with Stef, Claire and Amy and they had been scheming behind my back to arrange for there to be birthday cake:

Isn’t it beautiful.

I had absoutely no idea it was coming and as much as I love surprises, I’m a bit rubbish at showing it and suspect my reaction was somewhat lacking. So I apologise for that and post this in compensation – you guys made the blog!!

I want to encourage you to bake your friends a cake – it’ll make their day, remind them that you care and convey that they are loved even though they find it hard to believe.

My friends are amazing.

Friends: people to whom you can spill your heart, knowing it won’t get trampled.

birthday presents

Wow . . . it’s been a long time since I posted anything of length on here. Apologies. Life is somewhat hectic at the moment and whilst I’d love to share with you the random musing of my mind, there just isn’t time. Right at this moment, however, I appear to have a half hour to spare and that means I can entertain you with a little rant about myself.

In ten days time I will be EIGHTEEN years old. Eighteen!! Where have the years gone, I ask you?

As is customary on birthdays, my family and friends are hoping to buy me presents. There’s just one small problem: no one seems to know what to buy me.

Apparently turning 18 is quite a big deal, so there’s a lot of talk about buying something meaningful or that I’ll keep and remember. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just another birthday. In fact, it might as well just be another day. I don’t see it as that big a deal. People do not like to listen to this argument however, and write me off as a sceptic, so I’ve to go along with the farse of caring (I am very excited about the ceilidh though!).

And whilst everyone wants to make a fuss and find the perfect gift, I’d be perfectly happy with one of the many books or CDs off my Amazon list. The best presents however, are of course the surprises that show someone was listening to the massive hint I dropped. Like the hand-crafted, ceramic goblet with little sheep on it which I saw in a craft shop once and immediately fell in love with. Unfortunately, I couldn’t afford to buy it. Three months later, Christmas rolls around and there it is beautifully wrapped from my parents. They are sneaky! I’m also a big fan of the practical gift, something I’ll actually use, like a scarf a friend gave me. Not the type of thing I would have worn previously but it was such a good choice of colour and I like it so much that I wear it all the time!

Simple things with some thought behind them.

The other day we were talking about shoes in my english class (as you do) and I mentioned that I’d always wanted a pair of ethically made trainers. Two minutes later and my friend says she wants to run her birthday present idea by me – a pair of customised Nike trainers. Does anyone else see the irony and complete contradiction there?? If she really wants to buy me a pair of shoes I think I just gave her a pretty big hint as to what ones to buy!

I don’t know. Every year, when it comes to Christmas and Birthdays and every one is complaining that they don’t know what to get me, I can’t help but think, “Well you clearly don’t know me very well then do you? Because I know exactly what I’d buy myself!” Then I start to wonder if it’s my fault that they don’t know me. Or I’ll question how much they care if they don’t know me well enough to buy me a gift. Questions, questions, questions. My own mind once again becomes my worst enemy.

So here’s my solution. Don’t buy me things, buy my parents things. It’s not like I’ve done anything to deserve presents, I’m just fortunate enough to have woken up once again. My parents on the other hand have raised me and given their earnings and lives to do so. So, if you think they’ve done an alright job, buy them a present on April 14th.

Encouragement Required

People need to be encouraged.

Here’s your challenge: send an email this week that the recipient will not delete. Send a note in the mail that will be saved for years. Leave an encouraging voice mail that will be saved for a long time. Go up to someone and just do whatever you can to encourge as an expression of Christian love.

- Leith Anderson

This is today’s entry in my inspirational thought thingy. I like it. I want to challenge you to go ahead and do it. I’m trying to figure out how I will.

I have a number of emails, texts, cards and letters that I’ve kept over the years because the sentiments within have meant so much to me. When I’m having a really bad day, it’s good to have something I can go back to and be encouraged and strengthened by.

Go on. Encourage somebody. Make their day, even their week. Remind them how much they mean to God and to you.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Encourage each other and build each other up”

Like old times

Just in having spent the evening with my oldest friend – as in, I’ve known her longer than all my other friends, not as in she is the eldest of all my friends. 

It was really lovely to catch up and it being just us made it feel like old times. We took a bit of a cruise over to Asda at Garthdee, really just for the sake of it but the hour drive there and back meant plenty time for talking. We spoke about everything from the drama in other poeple’s lives, to the drama of prom and then the drama of our own lives. We are so totally different, you’d never think we could be friends, but they do say opposites attract and we’ve stuck together through thick and thin for almost a decade and a half now(!!).

I really take this friendship for granted. After fourteen years I kind of just expect it to always be there, for her to always be there. But we were speaking tonight about uni and it hit me that she’s staying here, I’m going away and it’s not going be like that anymore. I’ve always known the day would come but it’s suddenly imminent and that’s wierd. 

I haven’t been a very good friend to the folks at school recently. I haven’t really seen them properly in months. It’s about time I made more of an effort. There are less than seven months to go, after all.

Job 15

Go and read Job 15 – it’ll only take you a minute.

Okay, if ever I get as stupid as Job, if ever I lose sight of God or start speaking rubbish about how great I am and how unfair God is being, I want you to challenge me.

Eliphaz isn’t scared to tell Job what an idiot he’s being and I want friends who are willing to be like Eliphaz. You might worry about the repercussions, my reaction, but please just get on with it.

Paul rebuked the Corinthians for not standing up to false teachers and later wrote this (2 Corinthians 7:9), “I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways”.

So here’s your permission to rebuke me. Gently, mind.