Comfortable

Carlos Whittaker posted something great yesterday over @ RagamuffinSoul.

He was filming a video for his new album which comes out next January (and I am very excited for by the way) when Danny, a man who is homeless in Atlanta, came up and started to join in worshipping God:

Listen really carefully to their conversation at the end or read it on Carlos’ blog.

“He places some of us in that valley” – that’s what Danny said.

The valley, though we’d much rather be up the mountain, is a very important, powerful place.

I haven’t been in the valley for quite some time and I’ve done everything I can this semester to avoid it. At. All. Costs. God’s been shouting me down but I’ve been clambering to stay at the top. It’s kind of lonely up here if I’m being honest.

As Carlos sings:

Save us from these comforts.
Break us of our need for the familiar
Spare us any joy that’s not of You
And we will worship You

Theologians

The modest task of those of us who are theologians is to help contribute to the discussion of what Christians ought to think by thinking as clearly as we can. But the theologian must always remember, as well, that those who are not schooled in theology will often lead the way.

- Stanley Hauerwas

I tend to think that all Christians are called to be theologians – we are, after all, all trying to think clearly about God and his will and how it should affect our lives. Therefore, we must all remember, you don’t have to have a degree to lead the way.

Exams

These last two weeks have been all about exams for everyone at Edinburgh Uni. I have my last one tomorrow!!

For many of us they are the first university exams we’ve ever sat and, despite the pleas of those who are older and wiser, some have been taking them very seriously.

As I stood outside my exam room last week, waiting to go in, a friend from my tutorial group arrived looking more than a little stressed. I tried to reassure her that it would be absolutely fine. She asked if I was a Christian and I said yes. And she said, “Christians are always more chilled about these things!”

It was kind of ironic because my friend, who is a Christian, was standing beside me shaking like a leaf and completely freaking out!

I thought it was really interesting though that she had picked up on that and it made me wonder why we are so often worrying and stressing over stuff like this.

My friend keeps reminding me of Philippians 4:6-7, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

So we keep praying. And still some friends are freaking out.

The thing that keeps me calm is this:

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. – John 15:13-15

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. – 2 Corinthians 12:9

Jesus is my friend.

Nothing can separate me from his love.

His grace is sufficient.

All these truths will stand whether I pass with distinction or fail miserably.

And that is all that matters.

So whether it is exams or something else, lets not worry but let people see that we have a God who is bigger than it all and that we can rest in the assurance of his love and faithfulness.

Under pressure

On Saturday night Dan also asked us what our reaction is to stress and pressure, or more precisely

“When I am squeezed, pressed, crushed – what comes out? Examples?”

Once we got past the blood and guts jokes it was time for some serious soul searching . . .

You may never have been unfortunate enough to see it but I have a real temper on me. It’s something I do my very best to keep under lock and key. I don’t like being that person, who lashes out and says horrible things and lets the anger get the better of her. I remember reading Matthew 5:22 and being scared that that was me, and it’s a fear that remains with me: “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.” Ever since I’ve been doing my best not to get angry and, at the very least, not show it when I do.

So, nowadays, stress and pressure generally lead me to seclusion. It’s safer that way. I get a kind of tunnel vision, becoming obsessed and determined to overcome whatever is the cause of the stress. People and normal life are forced to take a back seat. It’s safer if I ignore you because I don’t have time to care and don’t want you to know it and get hurt. Harsh right? Told you it was safer for me to withdraw.

I’m also aware that my problems are nothing by comparison so I do my best not to complain too much (though I usually fail epically) and I certainly won’t admit to needing help or not being able to cope until the very last minute: “This is my problem, I’ll deal with it, I can’t burden you with it too”. Fun times, trust me.

And if something does make me angry, rather than stressed, I’m most likely to not say anything for fear of saying something I’ll regret. Quite often I’ll have to walk it off – spend some time pacing or walking whilst ranting at myself/God. When I’ve worked out all that angry energy I’ll return and perhaps be able to articulate better what I’m on about.

This is the best way I have of dealing with stress/anger. I’d rather it didn’t get to this stage but I think it’s better that when it does, the only people to see it are me and God.

How do you cope?

YAWA 2009

I was away again over the weekend for the annual St. Columba’s Young Adult’s Weekend Away (YAWA). We spent the weekend with Paul and Natalie in their beautiful home near Elgin and though our numbers were a little depleted this year there was as much banter as ever.

I know the first thing everyone wants to know is the result of the legendary Girls v. Boys Trivial Pursuit game!! This year was the most closest game I’ve seen yet. The girls led for most of it but got stuck on that last piece of pie as the boys crept up and took the victory . . . just!

There was more competition on Saturday afternoon as we had a massive treasure hunt across Moray – three cars of team members set off with cameras in search of goat statues, cathedrals, conga lines, silly hats and biblical gardens! Much fun was had by all and I don’t think the residents of Elgin, Lossiemouth or Forres were left too scarred.

We went to the Lossiemouth Baptist Church on Sunday which was very nice. They gave us a very warm welcome and it was a great service.

Dan and Stef led the teaching for the weekend. Both sessions were very powerful and, whilst I can’t really speak for everyone else, I was certainly moved and challenged. We spoke about identity and wholeness. So here, if you can cope with the deepness, are some things I learned and was thinking about:

• A lot of my identity is all wrapped up in church, i.e. St.C’s at home. That was who I was. It was how I defined myself. It gave me purpose. Now that it’s gone I’m floundering a little. Studying ridiculous amounts is one coping strategy – identity in achievement. I suspect it’s also one of the reasons I’m having trouble choosing a church – I have no identity in any of them and that’s really strange. But Stef reminded us that our identity is ultimately in God, as His children, as who He created us to be.
• We were singing on Friday night and it occurred to me, as we sang about Jesus, how easy it is for my theology to become skewed. I read and think all day everyday about big abstract concepts about God but actually my theology needs to be more Jesus centred. I need to think about Him and the cross more because it is that which defines my stance and opinion.
• Dan asked us to consider the hurts and disappointments of the past which dictate our responses to situations and pressures today, how we respond out of our brokenness. This one was painful. Difficult memories to conjure and to admit the affect they had and still have on me. I’m never as strong as I appear. There is so much more going on beneath the surface. I face demons like everyone else, if not more so. But Dan reminded us that God is still working in us and giving us the desire and power to do what pleases him (Philipians 3:20) – and it’s a work that continues as we grow in Him.

At St.C’s on sunday evening George, George and Ciaran shared a little from a passage of Scripture which had spoken to them recently. They all spoke brilliantly and God spoke through them. It was awesome to see how God is at work in the lives of others, to be reminded of His continual speaking and moving and to be inspired by brothers in Christ.

Then it was onto the train back to Edinburgh.

Isaiah 58

Is not this the fast that I choose:
to loose the bonds of wickedness,
to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard.
Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you take away the yoke from your midst,
the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness,
if you pour yourself out for the hungry
and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
and your gloom be as the noonday.
And the Lord will guide you continually
and satisfy your desire in scorched places
and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
like a spring of water,
whose waters do not fail.
And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
the restorer of streets to dwell in.

Freedom

A Christian man is the most free lord of all, and subject to none; a Christian man is the most dutiful servant of all and subject to everyone.

- Martin Luther, The Freedom of  Christian

Future Me

A wee while ago I found a site called FutureMe.org which allows you to write an email to yourself and choose when it will be sent. I’d kind of forgotten about it but clearly on May 16th I thought the below was worth sending to the future me.

Dear FutureMe,

Don’t forget:

You and I don’t do many significant things in our lives. We only make 3-4 major decisions. Most of us will not be written up in history books. Sorry, it’s true. For most of us, several decades after we die, the people we leave behind will struggle to remember the events of our lives. You live in the utterly mundane. You live in little moments. And if God doesn’t rule your little moments He doesn’t rule you because that is where you live. I think one of the big problems we make in our marriages is when we name little moments as “little moments” and say they are not important. If the character of a life is not set by four or five big moments but is set by 10,000 little moments, every little moment of your life is important. That’s where your life is formed and that’s where your relationships are built and formed. We cannot back away from the little moments because that happens to be where we live. And our God is a God of the little moments. He enters those little moments with his
truth and wisdom and grace.”
- Paul David Tripp

Live for God in each and every little moment because he’s there in all of them

Good luck at uni

Isaiah 59

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save,

or his ear dull, that it cannot hear;

but your iniquities have made a separation

between you and your God,

and your sins have hidden his face from you

so that he does not hear. . .

a Redeemer will come to Zion,

to those in Jacob who turn from transgression,” declares the Lord.

You who are God’s servants are living in a foreign country, for your own city-state is far away from this city-state. Knowing which is yours, why do you acquire fields, costly furnishings, buildings, frail dwellings here? Anyone who acquires things for himself in this city cannot expect to find the way home to his own City. Do you not realise that all these things here do not belong to you, that they are under a power alien to your nature? The ruler will say you do not obey my laws, either observe my laws or get out of my country. Take care lest it prove fatal to you to repudiate your own laws. Acquire no more here than what is absolutely necessary. Instead of fields, buy for yourselves people in distress in accordance with your means.
- Hermas 140 AD

(as quoted by Shane Claiborne & Chris Haw in “Jesus for President” from Eberhard Arnold’s “The Early Christians: In their own words”)

Last day

Today is my last day on staff at church.

I know, I know, it was supposed to be last week but we postponed it a little so now it’s today.

People keep asking about “the year” and how it’s been and I keep failing to find words. How do you compress the best year of your life into a sentence that people will listen to and understand?

I don’t think I can even fully comprehend yet the influence this year has had on me. I think I’ll still be remembering in years to come things I learned in my kind-of-gap-year.

And that’s probably the one way I can describe this year and do it justice: a year of learning. Everyday, every situation, everything has been one gigantic learning curve.

Let me condense it though, into three things.

1) I learned to trust God

I wasn’t always as happy about this year as I am now. Infact, I spent the first 3 months getting angry at God and venting at Him and a few select others. I didn’t want to be here and I didn’t want to be doing this. Turns out God was right though, His plan was best – who would have guessed eh?! Also learned to trust more than ever that God always keeps His promises. There were a few things that I prayed for a lot and He answered, things I got myself in a bit of a state about but He was faithful and good and kept His word.

2) I learned to trust others

I was really, really rubbish at this. Now, I’m only a little bit rubbish at this. It’ll still take me a while before I’m willing and ready to pour my soul out to you but there is hope that one day I’ll get there. I think what I really learned about trusting others was trusting that they love me and that they love me for who I am and will continue to love me regardless of how I think/feel about myself. And “we love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19) – so I guess I can chalk that one up to God too.

3) I learned to trust myself

I learned to believe that I am capable. Not because of my own strength or talents but because God, in His mercy, has given me gifts and abilities, passions and dreams. I’ve done things I never would have thought possible, but then “God is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to do infinitely more than we might ask or even imagine” (Eph 3:20). I’ve overcome fears, let go of burdens, taken on responsibility, found strength I didn’t know I had. No, hold on, that was God again. Hmm . . .

So I guess it actaully come down to learning just how awesome God is and learning to trust Him more than ever, though I’m sure there’s a lot more of His awesomeness to be revealed and I definitely have a lot more to learn about trusting in Him.

There’s heaps more I learned too about Church politics and leadership, dealing with difficult or sensitive situations, planning small and large activities, preparing talks and working with kids/young people/adults . . . the list goes on.

There are a lot of people who have made this year possible – who have dragged me, guided me, helped me, prayed me through it. People who have made huge sacrifices on my behalf. People who taken massive risks with me. People who have never once sought recognition or reimbursement. They know who they are and I am eternally grateful – I’ll never be able to thank them enough. And if I can’t thank them, I’ll certainly never be able to thank God. Won’t stop me trying though

Four years ago. . .

It was four years ago today that I became a Christian; that I came to the realisation that God was real, at work, interested in me, that Jesus was His Son whom He gave as a sacrifice for my sins and that the very best thing I could do with my life was to follow Him. It was the Thursday of Landlubbers Holiday Club 2005 where I was a youth helper. That was the day everything changed.

My story isn’t spectacular. There are no pyrotechnics, no visions or voices, no tales of breaking addictions or turning from horendous wrong doing. I was just a normal 14 year old kid who grew up in church but had been questioning and deliberating about it all for quite some time (10 months to be precise). I reckon I believed before that but had spent those months ignoring God as best I could. However, that week I saw Him at work and I decided to stop running away and start running towards.

It’s been quite an adventure ever since. It’s not always been easy but it has always been with God at my side. I’ve done crazy things like leading groups of 30 kids, starting a discipleship group in school, leading services, street pastoring, applying to study Divinity and in 32 days(!!) I’ll do the craziest one yet and move to Edinburgh . I’ve also done completely mental stuff like praying everyday for people I know to be healed, I’ve read my Bible day after day after day, I’ve spoken to friends about Jesus and even invited some folk to church. I’ve done insane stuff like choosing not to get drunk or swear or find my self-worth in the opinions of others.

See what I mean? My story isn’t spectacular. It’s neither crazy nor mental nor insane. It’s not particularly exciting even. But it is my story. The story God has given me. The story He continues to write and I will continue to tell. God as the Author, my author, has given me life in all its fullness and I’m looking forward to the next page, never mind chapter.

Praise God!! Lots!!

Jeremy Camp – Give Me Jesus

You shall not covet

It’s all about to get personal again. You have been warned.

Commandment number 10.

Exodus 20:17

“You shall not covet . . .”

Commentary (from ESV Study Bible);

When a person covets, he allows the desire for that which is coveted to govern his relationship with other people; this may become the motivation for murder, stealing, or lying either to attain the desired thing or to keep it from someone else. Because of the way that coveting values a particular thing over trust in and obedience to the Lord as the provider, it is also a breach of the first commandment, which the apostle Paul makes clear when he refers to coveting as idolatry

I think most people assume this is a pretty easy one to keep, like stealing and murder it’s not too hard to avoid. Sure, we can get a little jealous sometimes but we never really think it’s that bad and we can quickly pull ourselves out of it.

Confession: I covet. I get jealous.

And I can’t quite believe about to share this with the world but I get jealous of people. I covet attention. I’m as bad as any 6 year old when they have a tantrum in the playground because their friend won’t play the game they want to.

I though I’d got past this. I thought I’d grown up. I thought I was confident enough within myself.

But it would appear not.

“coveting values a particular thing over trust in and obedience to the Lord as the provider” – I’m puting more value on the opinions and attention of people than that of God. I look to other people to provide my recognition and worth instead of God. And it does “govern [my] relationship with other people” – it makes me possessive,obsessive, paranoid.

I’m a chump. Broken and fragile, relying on God everyday to keep the neurotic thoughts at bay. Like I say, it was getting so much better. In reality it probably is, it just snuck up on me again. Just got to keep working on it I guess.

Isaiah 43

I love this chapter of Isaiah. I’ve read it again and again for three days, not wanting to move on, hearing God speak so clearly through it. Please, please go and read it: Isaiah 43.

Verse 1:

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.

I stick at this bit everytime, those last two lines in particular hold so much power. I don’t have to be afraid – of anything – because I am redeemed by the blood of Jesus. God calls my name, claims me as his own. I’ll never know/understand why but I know that it’s true and that’s incredible.

Verse 2:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.

Love this: we’re not garunteed an easy ride, we still have to walk through the waters and fire but God promises he will be with us when we do and will enable us to conquer them.

Verse 3-4:

For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.

Did you read that? Do you see where it says you are precious in God’s eyes? That you are honoured and He loves you?That he gives men – one man in particular – for you?

Verse 5-7:

Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”

Holiday Club. That’s what these verses bring to mind. God bringing people together from all over our community. And he created each of them, each of us, for his own glory; that he would be honoured and praised.

Verse 18-21:

“Remember not the former things,
nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.
The wild beasts will honor me,
the jackals and the ostriches,
for I give water in the wilderness,
rivers in the desert,
to give drink to my chosen people,
the people whom I formed for myself
that they might declare my praise.

Holiday Club again (I have it on the brain). We get very used to holiday club, doing roughly the same thing every year. We can get into the mindset of just trying to repeat what we’ve done before because it seemed to work then. But I think it’s important to let previous years go, as great as they were, and focus on here and now, 2009, and everything God is going to do. There’s a lot of new stuff happening (Senior Citizens’ Strawberry Tea, Chritstianity Explored course) and lots of changes been made (leaders, their roles, programme and activities). I think God’s going to do something new and amazing too. He’s going to make a way in the wilderness and pour his life giving Spirit out upon his people.

Verse 25:

“I, I am he
who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,
and I will not remember your sins.