Fancy a laugh?

I was clearing out my cupboard today

(for a while my room looked like this:

- only 24 pairs of shoes and 14 bags by the way)

when I found this:

Can you tell which one is me?? I would have been 7 when this was taken – how times have changed!

Nobody’s a Loser

Today was sports day at the primary school where I do assemblies and classroom stuff.

Just as we were about to go outside and the excitement started to build and the eight year-olds began discussing the prospect of winning, one of the children said to me, “Nobody’s a loser”.

How do I respond to that?

I wanted to say, “Well actually there has to be a loser at some point. And at some point it will inevitably be you.” Though I probably wouldn’t have been as harsh.

I understand what he, or whoever told him this, was getting at. I know that we try to encourage kids, keep them all involved, make it all about the taking part. But the fact is that some of us are better at stuff than others and a lot of us are just plain rubbish at a lot of stuff.

Children need to learn to lose as much as they need to learn to win, and they need to learn to do both graciously.

End of an era

School is over.

After thirteen years it’s gone. Finished. Completed.

There were no fireworks, nothing special really, just me dawdling out the door.

It doesn’t seem like that big a deal at the minute, just kind of ordinary.

I’ve looked forward to it for so long – years and years – and now its real and that’s it.

They’ve been an interesting 13 years to say the least. Many happy memories. Many painful memories.

But now it’s on to studentdom.

Austenbook

What a great resource for revision of Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice!! Read it all here.

RMPS Dissertation

Incase you didn’t notice/couldn’t tell from the twitter updates about twenty minutes ago I finished my RMPS dissertation. It’s 5009 words, 13 pages, has taken me three months and is the most I’ve ever written about anything! I’m very proud of it, though I could have written so much more – monasticism is a never ending topic.

My actual task was “Discuss the contemporary relevance of monasticism”. And yes, it really is far more fascinating than it sounds! I spoke a lot about traditional monasticism – why it was relevant when it emerged a 1600 years ago, why it can still be relevant today – about my visit to Pluscarden and my interview with Brother Michael, about New Monasticism  - Shane Claiborne amongst others – and its relevance too. 

Hopefully I’ll get it online at some point though probably not for a while – don’t want any plagerism issues. Though, if you want a read, once it’s re-drafted and edited so I’m completely happy with it, I can send/give you a copy.

I’m going to Kilau tonight with Faye and Laura and may treat myself to a large hot chocolate with all the toppings as a reward – I think I deserve it!!

Prom

Well, all that stressing was totally not worth it and the getting dressed up totally was.

Prom was great. I ache all over and am totally shattered but it was a really good night. Lots of photos taken, banter had, food eaten, dancing done (even by me!). There wasn’t even any drama, nothing to taint the memories which will be happy and last a long time.

To be honest, there’s not much more to tell. But have some pictures and you can go to picasa to see the rest.

So much to do, so little time

Some of you probably think, with the number of times I post a week, even a day, that I have nothing better to do with my time. I thought I’d share with you the list of of things I have to do next week, to prove that this is by no means the case:

In the course of the week I have to write three to four thousand words about monks. It has to be done next week or it never will. I also have to go through my english dissertation with a fine tooth comb and re-draft it (despite a severe lack of instruction from my tutor).

On Monday the . . . let’s call it discipleship group, which I run at school is starting again after a two week break for my exams. I have to decide on a topic for the next four weeks and prepare the stuff to happen on Monday. I’m also leading the church prayer meeting on Monday night so need to come up with something interesting to say for that.

On Tuesday it’s my turn to lead the lunch club at the local primary school. I love this group – they may all be really hyper and quite silly but there are times when they can really surprise you. It’s quite a difficult group of 5-8 P6 girls of various abilities and concentration spans, making planning how to keep them interested good fun. On tuesday we’re looking at the next part of the Easter story (though, I haven’t decided what the “next part” is yet).

On Thursday, I’ve been given an amazing opportunity to lead short RE lessons with the P3 class I help in, teaching them the easter story over the next few weeks. Need to figure out which bits to do when and how. These are the most disciplined and well behaved eight year olds I’ve ever met, it’s a little scary at times. It’s not often you get a chance to tell kids about the death and resurrection of Christ in a class setting like this, so I’ve got to be sure to make the most of it.

Then, on Friday, I’m leading my first assembly!! I’ve tagged along to and helped out at a few now but on Friday it’s my turn. I’m a little nervous. It’s part three of the Joseph story – all about Benjamin and the brothers with the cup. I’m looking forward to it but aware that there’s quite a lot of pressure to keep fifty odd kids entertained for 20-30 minutes!

I also have two on-going church projects that I really need to make a good start on this week.

My mum likes to tell me I’ve taken on too much. I like to think that with God’s strength anything is possible. And it’s about time I got my act together, stopped being lazy and worked hard. Remembering how may be the problem though.

Post Exam

Well, is anyone else not surprised that God, once again, came through?

My teacher picked nice questions that I was just about able to scrape together enough knowledge to answer. None of the quotes stuck around my brain for long enough though and I’m sure I got some names, dates and arguments mixed up but there were essays of decent length present and I’m hoping that will be enough.

So, now I have a week and a half off!! Must write my dissertation though – 3/4 thousand words to go.

Exam

I have an exam in an hour and a half.

It’s not going to go too well.

Left my revision very late (as in Monday) and now there’s not much in my head to work with.

It doesn’t help that the questions are so convoluted you haven’t a clue what they’re actually asking or how they’re relevant to anything you’ve studied, half the time.

I’m more than a little bit stressed. I woke at six and rolled out of bed at half past to get some revision done this morning. It’s helped a little, given me hope I might at least be able to answer one section, and I don’t feel quite as ill as I did about an hour ago.

Now, I’m not trying to make myself sound super holy or anything, but the thing that’s getting to me most is that I feel failing or doing terribly is going to let God down. My parents will get over it, my teacher might just get over it, my friends probably don’t even care. It’s only an estimate exam after all. But I know that it’s because I’m lazy, because I’ve gotten my priorities completely upside down (walks on the beach and lunch probably weren’t the best idea at the weekend), because I’ve wasted my time with facebook, TV, random drives, and (though I hate to say it) blogging, that I’ve gotten myself in this rather sticky situation. I feel I’ve let God down and misused the time, talents and opportunities He’s given me. And if I mess up it’s going to reflect badly on Him.

Saying that, God doesn’t require any exam results from me – His love is unconditional.  Nor does He need me to be a good witness – He can cope just fine without my feeble efforts. As for my complete screw up – He’s already forgiven me.

God’s pretty awesome like that.

I didn’t think I cared about results this year – it’s certainly not like I need them – but it would appear that I do. Whether or not it’s for the right reasons, I’m going to have to get my act together before May.

I’ll be back to let you know how I got on. If you read this before 1pm, pray lots. If I get through this, it’ll be another of God’s miracles.

You’ve got to love the SQA and essays . . .

“Not all religious people have religious experiences, not all religious experiences happen to religious people” – Discuss.

Dare you to give it a bash!

Memory

Last night I finished my advanced higher english dissertation!! Very happy It’s only four thousand words but that’s twice as much as I would normally write in an essay and has taken me a good four weeks!

My statement of intent is:

“A comparative study of the literary techniques, used by WG Sebald, to convey the importance of memory and personal history in creating identity, in his novels The Emigrants and Austerlitz“

Now we all know that our memories and past are essentially what make us us. It’s a bit of a given, but Sebald looks at how discovering new information about your past and having buried memories re-awakened affects you. In one of the novels, their past destroys the characters and three of the four commit suicide. In the other, suppression of memory leads the protagonist to a breakdown but as he works to understand his past he is granted a certain freedom and renewal.

I don’t think I have any memories buried deep which I suppress and avoid recalling at any cost!! There is a lot of stuff swimming around in my head though. My happiest and most painful memories right there. Some of the happiest ones come from the simplest things – walking along the garden wall holding my Granda’s hand; first time I went to Austria and the view of Lake Wolfgang opened out as we came round the mountain;  a kind word or caring look from different people at different points. Some of them are bigger too: the morning I realised that God was real and I wanted to know Him; the day I gave my life to Christ; standing amongst 5000 people worshipping God at FRENZY; every time God has spoken to me, taught me, shown me something. The most painful ones vary in the same way: visiting Auschwitz; seeing people I love getting hurt or falling ill; leaving lambsy (childhood toy) at a hotel when I was seven; there’s one instance of getting into trouble as a kid i remember very vividly; people dying; people leaving. 

I’m only seventeen but I think I’m fortunate to have experienced a lot in my few years. Everything that’s happened makes me who I am. And not without purpose. God has been behind it all and using it all to make me the person he wants me to be. I wouldn’t change any of it – not a single thing – because it is who I am.

Memory is a blessing. When things get tough we can remember the times God has been faithful in the past. When things are lower than low we can hold on to the happy times to help us through. When everything is great we can remember the difficulties to know how blessed we are. 

But we’ll inevitably forget things. God won’t though. He’ll remember us at all times, never forsake us, never leave us. And He remembers all the things we’ve done too – the good, the bad and the ugly – but still loves us!