My Dad emailed me this today having read it on (his new favourite site) Belfast Forum. It made me laugh out loud. A lot.
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling if you know the Bible even a little you’ll find it hilarious! It comes from a Catholic Elementary School test! Incorrect spelling has been left in.
1. In the first book of the Bible, Guinnesses. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Arc. Noah built and arc and the animals came on in pears.
3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the Dessert. Afterwards Moses went up mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commmandments.
9. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in to the battle of Genitol.
12. The greatest miracle in the bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David s sons had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the 3 wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule which says do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained that man does not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and mangaed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
23. 1 of the opposums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. That is called monotony.